feeling a bit discouraged...

I know I shouldn't, but I can't help reading other couple's blogs about their adoption journeys and checking all the details I can on the forum.  I feel so bad for these couples that got their referrals in July or October and still have not met their child!!  Will that be us!?  Will we be delayed that much??!  Will I be able to handle that wait?  Will God do the miracle we have been fervently praying for and get us in those courts by July before the courts close in August and September?  Looking at the facts, no way!  But looking at my God, YES WAY!!!  I'm trying so hard to look to Him and trust Him for the perfect timing! 

I just want to hold my girl!   I just want to see her smile!  I just want to tell her about this amazing God that loves her more than any mommy could ever explain!  I just want her to know the peace that only HE can give her as she waits for her forever family.   Lord, please bring her home soon!!

This is a picture of the area she came from before she was placed in the orphanage.  It is a very poor area, even though this is a very beautiful picture!

Age Change!!??

When you receive your referral, you also receive info about their medical labs they have done on your child and the results of a wrist x-ray that has been done on them too.  Well, we thought we had the wrong info on her because it came back that she was 5 years old and a male!!!  So, 2 days ago we got word that she is a girl and that those were actually her labs and x-ray.  This made me question her given age, and after much investigation and searching thru my kids' baby books and comparing weights and heights, it turns out the x-ray is probably right and she is going to be 5 in June instead of 4!!!  Wow!  This was really hard for my mind to wrap around for a bit, I think mainly because we are looking at a school age child now and not a toddler who has no real rush to get to school.  I really wanted at least a year to spend with her as she learns English and adjusts to our family and lifestyle here.  I also just wanted to be able to nurture her in walking with the Lord.  God is bigger than all the details though, and He handpicked her for us, and so I am learning to take a step back and let Him lead in this!  It's a daily struggle for me not to worry about all these details, but I'm slowly getting there!

REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!   We got our referral yesterday!!!   It was amazing!!!  So this is how it happened...

Shawn and I got home from picking up our car at the mechanic's at 12:10pm and our kids had a half day, so he went to pick them up.  At 12:35, the phone rang and I saw our social worker's name on called ID and began to freak out.  I calmed myself and answered and she sounded very excited to tell us about our referral!Just as she began, the kids came in and Shawn too, and it was loud and crazy, and so I was running to get upstairs quick, and grabbed Shawn to tell him in a whisper, and he just stopped in his tracks and looked shocked and said, "REALLY!?"  Then Aryana walked in and I said, "Aryana, REFERRAL!!!"  She lit up and freaked out and ran outside to tell her best friend Claudia.

I ran upstairs to get the info and realized how much I was shaking out of pure excitement!!!  The first thing she told me was her name, and then that it means "a blessing".  HOW PERFECT!!!   She truly will be a blessing to us!!  She told me some more stuff, but then told me that it would all be in the e-mail she was sending over to us.  She congratulated us and then we hung up.

I ran downstairs to start the computer up, and found Ethan in a not so good mood from a bad day at school.  I was worried that this would really cause issues as we opened the referral together and he would be feeling still frustrated from his day.  But right before we opened it, I said to him, "Ethan, do you get what is happening right now?"  He said, "Yeah, the referral." And then I said, "Yeah buddy, you are going to get to see your little sister's face for the first time in just a second!!"  Then he smiled his beautiful smile and shook it all off and was totally ready!  It was great!

As we opened it, we all just sat quietly and smiled and said "aww's" and hugged eachother.  It was such an awesome experience for us all to see her together for the first time!!!  I guess I always imagined getting the phone call in the morning when Shawn was at work and the kids at school and I would just have Josiah here with me.  This was SO amazing and precious for all of us to experience together!  What a "blessing"!!!  :)

She is beautiful and so very precious!  She looks very sad and scared in her picture, and I look forward to seeing her beautiful smile!  She has been through so much in the past 6 or so months, and we are praying for her as she awaits us!  WE CANNOT WAIT TO MEET HER AND THEN TO BRING HER HOME!!

We give God the praise for such a "blessing"!!

This is a card Ethan made her right after we got the referral!  On the front it has a close up picture of her and it says, "Welcome to our house __________!"  And then this is the inside of his card!!  ADORABLE!!
( we are not allowed to show any pictures of her online or share any info about her, including her name )